Goldie Gurston / Fish

Your tags were: diivesour god, glorious leader, giver of moisture. praise be to our fishy overlord. some orange dude idk

The Fountain of Moisture
Long ago, in the dawn of time (it was about 4 in the afternoon a couple Tuesdays ago, but that feels like ages ago, so for the sake of this we might as well say that it was near the beginning of time), the fables tell of a brave adventurer named Goldie of the Gurstons, who traveled far and wide to find the ultimate source of moistness: The Fountain of Moisture. The Fountain of Moisture was said to be protected by the almighty God of Moisture, and only the chosen ones will find the fountain and will be blessed with eternal moisture. Dragons were slayed, perilous paths were taken, and an old man with a hat and a staff gave him a ring that glows when you chuck it in a fire and he tried to get him to throw it in a volcano to blow it up or something like that (like that'll work, it'll just glow more). After years of searching, Goldie finally found the mythical Cave of Dank, and inside was the prestigious Fountain of Moisture. He took out his Official Fishcord™ Water Bottle from just $49.99 order now and you'll get a second one for free, and he filled it with the holy residue from the fountain. Trembling, he took a drink from the bottle - and immediately spat it out. It tasted awful, but hey - he came this far. He took another swig. Suddenly, a blinding light came from the fountain, and a booming voice was heard that shook Fish to his knees (yes fish has knees now).

" It is I, Goldie Gurston!"

Fish's initial shock then immediately changed to confusion.

"Hang on, how did you know my name?"

" Wait, what? That's your name as well?"

And out of the light came Goldie Gurston. The same exact Goldie Gurston. Because it turns out that Fish was both the chosen one who will be granted moisture and the God of Moisture. Because that's how that works stop judging my masterpiece I'm trying okay.

"So does that mean that you're me?"

"Uhhh, I guess"

"And I'm you?"

"Probably, yeah"

"So how do I become you and you become me?"

"Dunno, you probably have to ascend or something like that"

"And how do I do that?"

"Geez, what's with all these questions? I dunno, try drinking more of that stuff from the fountain"

Fish looked at his Official Fishcord™ Water Bottle. He only took a sip before. The rest of the bottle was still full.

"Yeah, try chugging that down, that could work" the ascended Fish said.

Fish hated the taste of it from before, and it was still lingering in his mouth. It tasted dreadful, all chemically and slimy and fragrant and... wait a minute.

Fish smelled the liquid. Then he poured some out on his hand, and started rubbing his hands with it.

"It's moisturiser."

"...yeah it's moisturiser"

"You're trying to persuade me to chug down an entire water bottle full of moisturiser?"

"...yes"

Fish sighed, and he started to drink the bottle, while he though he could hear whispers coming from the other Goldie, chanting something that resembled 'chug chug chug chug'. Once he finished the bottle, he fell face first on the ground (probably due to the fact that he just chugged down a hell of a lot of moisturiser). Then, he felt a tingling inside him. He felt like he was floating, and that he was going higher, and higher, and higher. The world around him became brighter, and what felt like ages after a really cool montage that would go here that would show you what happened, he finally opened his eyes. He was in the same Cave of Dank. but now he was inside the blinding light. He had ascended, and the two Goldies had merged and were now one. He looked behind him, and what he saw made his jaw drop. He was in the Ascended Lobby of Fishcord, where only the moistest beings would meet. He also noticed something odd inside him, some kind of weird feeling. His faced turned pale when he realised.

"Holy fuck-a-doodle-doo I'm gay now"